PersonalCorpus 版 (精华区)

月夜感怀--遥思华年                                                                        
              ---平仄不整,对仗不工,姑且称之为"古体"吧,胡乱作之..                                                            
关山千里路迢迢,                                                                 
孤鸿塞北故园遥. "孤"."故"音同,改为"断"?                                                               
江南烟雨竟似梦, (丝雨烟华轻似梦,)                                                                
芳菲华年叹易老  (刹那红颜叹易老.),"红"改为"朱"?要不太女性化了:-)                                                                
                                                                                
曾记栖霞佳人笑, (曾记断桥叹红药,) "叹"改为"念"?                                                               
长忆西湖曾纵棹. "曾"字重复,改为"尝"?                                                                
当时星宇明月在, (当时星宇当时月.)                                                                
彩云伊人音已杳. (彩云伊人音尘淼.)"缈"?